It is fairly common for almost everyone to grow up believing they are special, or that they possess at least some special abilities. This was no different in my case either. I grew up with pretty fancy notions about myself that stayed with me till recently.
The last few years, I have noticed that this has changed significantly. I have re-calibrated the assessment of myself to someone who is above the average in about 2-3 things, and way below average in almost everything else. I can make things that I am good at look really good; but, I struggle with everything else, much more than what most others do.
This realization was a confusing one to come to. Initially, I felt there was some sort of cognitive decline that was at the root of this. After all, I could not remember struggling with some of these things ever in my life.
Only recently did it occur to me that I have always struggled with most of these things, but I’d either completely avoid doing most of them, or I’d find things wrong with them that would cover my inabilities with my justified anger at them.
That, it is not cognitive decline, is very comforting a thought. But, the fact that I’m not a special pea in the pod, possessing no special abilities, is not something that my ego took to very kindly.
But, having made my peace with it, life is a lot simpler. I’m kinder to myself when I struggle with things that seem to easy for everyone else. I don’t feel compelled to run after a lot of the things others take pride in.
There are some major perks to middle-age.